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Love and violence cannot co-exist. Her conviction is borne out of experience - she was involved with a brutal man who almost killed her. In Augustwhen she refused the demands of her former boyfriend - a doctor - for sex, he became so enraged that he Black bitchs getting fuck from Singapore md her face with his fists, breaking her nose, leaving multiple fractures and causing her brain to bleed.
The ordeal, which lasted several hours, only ended when the abuser's father called the police who arrested his son. Ms Lim's wounds were so extensive that she was hospitalised for three weeks. It was not the first time Clarence Teo Shun Jie had assaulted her. Over the six months that they dated, the then locum battered her on three occasions, each beating more vicious than the last. The case went to trial two years later. Last year, Teo was sentenced to three years, six months and two weeks' jail with four strokes of the cane.
Two months ago, he was struck off the Register of Medical Practitioners. It took a while for Ms Lim to emerge from the shadow of this violent relationship. However, she deals with her past by facing it squarely, talking openly and even writing about it. Slender with lively eyes and hair dyed a cool shade of aubergine, she is unguarded, articulate and endearingly self-deprecating.
A journalism graduate who is now pursuing her post-graduate diploma in psychotherapy, she also appears well-read and intelligent, traits which will make many wonder why she allowed a man to hit her. But as she will tell you, education and intelligence are not talismans against violence.
And like their victims, abusers can come from all types of social, economic and educational backgrounds, she says. Teo was a prime example. They were emotionally, psychologically and physically abusive as well," says Ms Lim who has lived on her own since she was 22 and not seen her family members for several years. To prove that she is not lying, she sends me copies of police reports made against her civil servant father, and her financial adviser brother, for acts of violence.
She even applied for a personal protection order PPO against her father in Although bright, the former student of Ai Tong and Anderson Secondary had to endure caning by her mother if her marks were less than perfect. A school counsellor who noticed the self-harm and found out about the domestic violence wanted to call the police. But Ms Lim pleaded with her not to, for fear that her father would retaliate.
Asked if she harboured thoughts of fleeing the family home, she says: "Of course, but mostly, I was thinking of dying. Things got better when she enrolled for a diploma course in film, sound and video at Ngee Ann Polytechnic in To pay her fees and earn pocket money, she juggled three part-time jobs - barista, waitress and banquet server.
When she was 22, she finally moved out after a violent altercation with her father, one which required the intervention of police. The perks - including opportunities to travel and dine at fine restaurants - were good but the pay was not great, she says.
Stress and accumulated angst conspired to push her into depression, and she attempted suicide - not her first time - by cutting her thigh in Her then boyfriend found her and took her to the hospital. Fortunately, a former neighbour came along to offer some stability not long after. Ms Lim was then applying for a PPO against her father, and had contacted the neighbour - a business executive - for her testimony. Slowly this stranger neighbour whom I never spoke to since young started to take really good care of me and treated me as her own daughter.
She's my godma, I call her mum," she says. It was instant attraction, she candidly admits. Things went well for a while," she says. But there were also red flags right from the start, she adds. He was rough when they were intimate, and would not stop when asked to.
Last year, Clarence Teo was sentenced to three years, six months and two weeks' jail with four strokes of the cane. Barely one month into the relationship, he punched her face one day after suddenly grilling her about her past relationships. I thought maybe he had mental health issues and that he didn't know what he was doing," she says. She could not reconcile how a man who made her so happy could also beat her up so badly and was reluctant to leave him.
Before the horrific assault which led to Teo's arrest, there was also another incident where he waylaid her when she was on her way to work, pushed her into his car, took her home and abused her for more than 10 hours. This second beating led to another suicide attempt. Ms Lim checked herself into a hotel and swallowed dozens of pills. Sensing something was not right when she did not return home, her godma called numerous hospitals and hotels before she found Ms Lim.
Because of the incident, Teo agreed to see a therapist and all was good for a while. And then that third and final assault happened. At the hospital, doctors had to fix, among other things, her nose, her eye sockets and her little finger which broke while fending off his blows.
When the trial started and made newspaper headlines, her mother sent her messages. I did not respond. Shortly after being discharged, she started receiving calls from Dr Sudha Nair, the founder of Pave Centre Black bitchs getting fuck from Singapore md Promoting Alternatives to Violencea family violence specialist centre. She says: "From what I understood of the situation, the violence was very severe and she needed a lot of support and help.
I was starting a women's group-work programme for survivors and I wanted her to know that she didn't need to go through this alone. Ms Lim, however, was reluctant and it took numerous calls before she agreed to go. She ended up going for the remaining eight sessions, sharing her experiences with a group of high-functioning and accomplished violence victims, including a doctor and a lawyer. Dr Nair says what stops victims of violence from coming forward is shame. The attacker should be ashamed. What makes you different? Writing about her experiences, meditating and reading philosophy also helped to heal her, as did a good friend who suddenly held her hand one day when they were on an outing.
Ms Lim has been in a loving and respectful relationship with the de engineer - who's also a musician - for the past two years. There was also a spiritual awakening which made her realise how precious life is. The experience led her to change her name; she is now Saraswati Rachel.
To women caught in violent relationships, she says: "You may not believe it now but there are actually guys you can actually like even more, guys who don't hit you or violate you in any way. As for Teo, she says: "I know he can never experience peace, joy, gratitude and contentment the way we do. And that's enough punishment for a human. He created his own hell and he's living it. That's sad.
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No one should live with violence," says the year-old content strategist. More on this topic. This is the last of a four-part series brought to you by the Ministry of Social and Family Development and supporting partners.Black bitchs getting fuck from Singapore md
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