Added: Roselyn Jeans - Date: 01.12.2021 13:28 - Views: 41028 - Clicks: 2105
Within hours, I was getting texts.
And FB messages. Then, as if on cue, my husband of 28 years walks into our kitchen with the mail. Without so much as a wash of the hands or a spray of disinfectant, he casually places the pile — as our pre-pandemic ritual would dictate — on our stainless steel kitchen island. Hello, life now filled with work-from-home mandates, new stressors, makeshift computer stations, evaporating personal space, and new negotiations about, well, almost everything. But there is hope. You are. Your partner is. For some of us, the losses are immediate and frightening, even grave.
People are losing their jobs. Their businesses. And some have lost loved ones, friends, neighbors or colleagues. For many, the losses in our lives may not be as tangible, but they still hurt.
All pain is real pain. Even the happiest of couples are feeling the weight of financial shifts, dwindling space, and a yearning for the return to old rituals and routines. The good news: Once we acknowledge our losses, there is a lot that a couple can do, proactively, to not only survive quarantine but actually thrive through it.
It starts by shifting your perspective. What if we tried to embrace this new, weird time together as an opportunity or a reset? What if we saw this as a chance to intentionally develop new and improved ways of being with each other? One of the findings is that when you and your partner recognize that you are creators of your own relationship mini-culture — your rituals of connection form the pillars of this culture — then you are more likely to choose, build and sustain them. According to researchers like William Doherty, therapist, professor and author of The Intentional Familya ritual of connection is any way that you and your partner regularly turn toward each other.
It could be emotional, physical, spiritual, you name it. It could be the way Married bored and frum greet each other at the end of the day when you reunite after work; the midday text to coordinate kid-pick up; the little prayer you say together before you drift off to sleep; and even the little phrases you use that have private meaning just between you and your spouse.
Research reveals that strong and meaningful rituals build strong marriages. And because rituals are rooted in a sense of predictability they are quietly comforting, they can reduce fear and counter stress both on the average day and in times of great uncertainty. Which is precisely what we have at the moment. Each spouse has chosen a special sweatshirt — and wearing it comes with a rule. When the other spouse sees you in it, they have to pretend you are invisible. No talking to them, no looking at them, no asking a question. So after a week or so of angst, they began a new practice.
They get dressed in their work clothes, pack their lunches, and kiss each other goodbye. Then each of them walks out the front door, around the block separatelyand then back in the door separatelyready to Married bored and frum their work days. They do the same later in the day to mark the end of work and the beginning of family time. Hawaiian pizza and mai tai, anyone? Another couple has turned to the past for their ritual. We laugh, and they ask questions about what things were like.
We read those as well. His grandfather was a preacher and an incredible man. His letters are uplifting and so wise.
They pick one a night and read it out loud to each other but with a twist. They discuss how the characters in the book are similar to characters in their current, actual lives. You can invent your own ritual that incorporates a sense of humor and playfulness.
They hide it somewhere in the house each day. Like so many others, this couple found that conflict in their marriage has increased during quarantine, and their own emotional reserves have decreased. Their plan is to review the list each weekend. So far, most things on it are being waitlisted for post-quarantine times, but they predict many of these items will be irrelevant and long-forgotten by then.
The list is a powerful bit of problem-solving that also gives them somewhere they can safely place their frustrations.
Couples: What will you do with this weird new time in your life? The research suggests that the tiny things we do can often have a big, positive impact. Thomas, Minnesota; resident scholar at St. Norbert College, Wisconsin; and forever passionate about studying and improving relationships. TED Talk of the Day. Armand D'Angour The ancient origins of the Olympics. Here's how to speak up skillfully We humans The jaw-droppingly high, out-of-this-world carbon footprint of space tourism Business Why we need to consider switching to a 4-day workweek -- now.Married bored and frum
email: [email protected] - phone:(613) 232-6801 x 8885
So, You Have a Sexless Marriage—Can Your Relationship Survive?